Fair Play
by Merisel
Summary: Sam finds out about Bumblebee and Mikaela, and Jazz gets involved.This is another followup to the previous crackfics.This is NC17 SmutPseudo smut alert!


"Glenn! Quit surfing porn on my computer!" Sam yelled from across the room.

"Wasn't me! And how come you're not in Orlando?"

_Yeah, right... Must've been Ironhide,_ Sam thought, sarcastically, running a virus scan on his comp. Just four days away, and he comes home to find his hard drive cluttered with this kind of crap.

"Trip got cut short. My Dad hates tropical storms. And thunder, and earthquakes. Just about anything that makes windows shake." He shook his head. Three cans of pop helped him counter the so-called jet lag, but it also left him feeling jittery. "You seen Bumblebee or Mikaela around?"

"Haven't seen your car. Mikaela's out back, catchin' some rays."

"Ok, thanks." Sam grinned. That would mean she'd be wearing that bikini again. He left the scan running and went to find Mikaela.

* * *

"Can I ask you something?" Mikaela asked, glancing over at Maggie. They were both stretched out on beach towels, basking in the sun.

"Sure."

"Did you ever think things would turn out this way?"

"Do you mean the planet almost being destroyed, or us falling in love with giant robotic aliens? Because if it's the aliens, I saw that coming a mile away."

Mikaela laughed.

"So how are things between you and Bumblebee?"

"They're great. He's very...energetic."

"God, tell me about it. I swear, they could go on for days if we let them."

"Oh, yeah," Mikaela agreed, her cheeks pinkening ever so slightly. "How'd you find out about me and Bee, anyway?

"Ratchet told me. But I didn't ask him how he knew."

Mikaela sighed. "He and the others were watching, the first time Bee and I..."

"Ouch."

"Yeah. I was pretty pissed."

"I can imagine.. They really don't seem to have much in the way of inhibitions. I guess with them being millions of years old, it's understandable." She paused, musing. "They also have a strong belief in peace and love."

"What, they're like giant hippies?" Mikaela smiled at the thought. It was hard to see Ironhide in that light.

"Well, no." Maggie chuckled, then gave it serious thought. "Being a hippy is just a lifestyle choice. I think with them it goes a lot deeper. It's more like it's part of their psyche. A big part."

"That's...really philosophical," Mikaela offered, reaching for her bottle of soda.

"Yeah, I know. I get that way when I've been out in the sun too long." She glanced slyly at Mikaela. "Maybe they just haven't been around females in a long time, and they're _really_ horny?"

The soda sprayed the air. "Maggie!"

"Sorry!" she laughed, as Mikaela gave her a mock glare. She started to say more when her pager buzzed. "Looks like Ratchet's done."

"What's he doing, anyway?"

"Trying to boost Optimus' signal. They're not sure if it'll help much, though. Earth is kind of in the boondocks part of the galaxy."

She got to her feet and picked up her towel. "Gotta go now. Can't keep the doctor waiting," she said with a jaunty wink.

"Definitely shouldn't." Mikaela grinned. "Wish Optimus' luck for me."

"Will do. And don't let Bumblebee keep you up all night." Maggie waved as she went inside.

* * *

_Holy crap!_ Sam stood with his mouth gaping open, listening to the conversation outside. Mikaela and Bee? It can't be! He ducked into a nearby closet, hiding as Maggie came back in and headed to the med bay.

He came back out when the coast was clear. This was crazy! Bee was like twenty feet tall! How could they...? The freakiest mental images came to him. This is just...freaky! And they've been doing...something...behind his back the whole time! "Sonofa--" he yelled, kicking a small wastebasket. It went sailing down the hallway, and bounced off Jazz's foot.

"Hey, Sam. What gives?" Jazz asked, curious.

"Oh... Jazz.. Didn't see you there..."

"Neither did that basket. What's buggin' you?"

"Bumblebee...and Mikaela. They've been..." He could hardly bring himself to even say it. "They've been having sex!"

"Oh. Yeah, they are," Jazz said, casually.

"What? You knew about it?" Sam practically shouted.

"Uh-huh. We all did. I'm pretty sure they were gonna tell you, when you got back...the day after tomorrow?"

"This is...unbelievable!" Sam paced the hallway. "Just how long have they been..you know."

Jazz promptly rattled off dates and times he'd seen Bumblebee and Mikaela sneaking off to be alone.

"Oh, great.. This is just great! My car's getting laid more than I did!"

Jazz almost laughed, but instead looked down at the young man forbiddingly. "Is that how you still see Bumblebee? As your car?"

Sam stared back at him and gulped. "No.. No, no, no. That's not... I didn't mean it that way!"

"I know." The glower turned into a grin. "I was just kidding."

"This isn't funny, Jazz! Mikaela dumped me for my car! Well, not my car. It's her car now. Bumblebee dumped me for her!" Sam knew he was babbling, but he couldn't seem to stop himself. "I thought we had something special. I saved him from those Sector Seven creeps, after they tortured him. Didn't that mean anything to him?"

"Sam, calm down. You know that Bumblebee--cares about you."

"But he's with Mikaela now! She's... He's a fifteen foot robot. I'm just a scrawny nerd.." Sam managed to get a grip on his rampaging emotions. "I'm sorry, Jazz. I just...I can't deal with this right now."

Slag it all, Jazz thought, watching Sam stomp down the hallway to the living area. That boy has some 'serious issues', as the humans would say. He turned and went the opposite direction, to the medical bay.

* * *

"Most rap music isn't even worth listening to," Maggie said as she straddled Ratchet's lap, slowly lowering herself. "But don't tell Glenn I said tha--that...Ohh."

"I would not dare." Ratchet smiled, gripping her hips and controlling the pace.

"Mmmm...yesss..." she moaned, and leaned in for a bout of kissing.

"Yo, Ratchet." Jazz looked around the med bay, spotting the couple on one of the human-sized benches.

"Erm... Hi, Jazz," Maggie mumbled, dropping her head against Ratchet's shoulder.

"Hey, Maggie."

"What is it, Jazz?" Ratchet growled.

"Chill, dude. I just wanted to ask if you know where Bumblebee went."

"I believe he's at the target range, with Ironhide."

"Okay, thanks. Have fun!"

Ratchet muttered something in Cybertronian before turning his full attention back to Maggie.

* * *

"He said what?" Bumblebee asked, bewildered.

"Sam thinks Mikaela dumped him for you. Oh, and that you dumped him for Mikaela. There's a lot of dumping going on." Jazz shrugged. "Maybe you can figure it out."

"I must go back and to speak to him."

Ironhide shook his head and muttered. "Good luck."

"I'll go with you," Jazz offered. "You should have back-up."

"Fine," Bumblebee agreed, wishing Jazz wouldn't make light of this situation. Why was Sam so upset, anyway? Human behavior could be so perplexing at times. They both transformed into vehicles and drove back to base.

* * *

Sam was in the living area, sprawled on the sofa, but Glenn had vacated the room to avoid his foul mood.

Bumblebee stopped just short of the sofa and changed back to robotic mode. Jazz remained a silver sports car and hung back, observing with great interest. Bumblebee took a step forward. "Sam? What is wrong?"

Sam shot to his feet. "How could you? How could you betray me like this?" _Christ, can I be any more dramatic?_ he wondered. "Just tell me the truth. Did you want to stay with me because of Mikaela?"

"No, I did not," Bumblebee said meekly, trying to soothe Sam's anxieties. "I love both you and Mikaela, but it is Mikaela I wish to mate with. I hoped you would understand."

"But...You.. I mean... Arg." Sam inwardly grimaced. He was acting like a jealous ass. Damn sugar rush!

"What?" asked Bee, unsure of what his human was trying to say now.

"I'm sorry. I just..." Sam shrugged helplessly. What the hell was he mad about, anyway? It's not like he really wanted that kind of relationship with Bee... But he didn't want to lose him, either. "We're still best friends, right?"

Bumblebee nodded, patting Sam's back with one finger. So that was it. Sam was feeling insecure, and for no reason. "Of course, Sam. Always."

"Hey, between you and 'kaela, I know I'd swing both ways."

"Jazz, that is not helpful," admonished Bumblebee.

"--huh?" Shocked, Sam looked past Bee at Jazz. There was a young man he'd never seen before, leaning against the side of the car, arms crossed. He had dark hair, and intense gray eyes that were fixed on Sam. "What the--Who are you?"

"That is Jazz's holoform," explained Bumblebee.

"Holoform?" Sam repeated, a lightbulb going off in his head. "So that's how you and Mikaela..."

"Of course."

"But..I thought.." Sam shook his head. "Never mind what I thought."

Bumblebee looked down at him, amused now. "I think that would be best."

Jazz nodded. "Oh, yeah."

"Ok, ok.. I'm an idiot," Sam admitted, then went to get a closer look at the holoform. It looked so real. He reached out and pressed his hand against it's chest. It actually felt solid, and warm.

Jazz's holoform mirrored his actions. "You're not scrawny."

"Uh.. Thanks," Sam mumbled, his face turning red. "Sorry. I just had to see..."

"Hey, I don't mind. Touch whatever you want," Jazz said, with a downright wicked grin that unnerved Sam.

_Geez... He's coming on to me!_ Sam realized, confounded. That was...weird. He shook his head and looked back at Bee. "Uh.. Mikaela's out back sunbathing."

"She is?" Bumblebee perked up. "Thank you, Sam."

Jazz chuckled, watching his old friend head off. They won't be seeing him again for a while. "I can give you a ride home, Sam."

"Thanks, Jazz. I just need to get a few things..." Sam went over to the table and gathered up a few discs, shoving them into his bag. Bee and Mikaela... He still couldn't quite wrap his mind around that. Better to just not think about it. The virus scan was done, so he shut down the comp. "Ok, I'm ready."

The passenger door opened as the holoform flickered out, and then reappeared in the driver's seat. Sam got in and put his seat belt on, carefully not looking at the holoform during the ride to his house.

"Thanks for the lift, Jazz," Sam said as the car parked.

"Sam?" Jazz said when he reached for the door handle.

"Yeah?" Sam turned back toward Jazz and got a hot kiss planted on him. "...mf..." Too stunned to react, he just sat there staring afterward.

"Somethin' to think about," Jazz told him, grinning at his blank expression.

"Uhh..." Sam opened the door and got out, his movements jerky. What the hell just happened?

"Sam? Your bag..." Jazz handed it to him through the open window.

"That...That's not funny!" Sam snapped, anger being the first emotion to surface.

"Wasn't meant to be," came the reply.

"Wha--" Sam gawked as the window rolled up and the silver car sped off.

He was still standing there long after Jazz was out of sight.

* * *

The alarm clock went off at eight-thirty, as usual.

"Crap..." Sam muttered, dragging fingers through his hair. He was lucky if he got an hour's sleep, and it wasn't restful. Dammit. It was all Jazz's fault, playing some kind of game with him. He had to talk to someone about this.

Like Mikaela. Or even Maggie. They were the only ones who'd possibly understand. His parents would so freak out if he told them...

Sam changed into fresh clothes and headed out, then stopped, remembering that he didn't have a ride. He pulled out his cell phone and dialed the 'special' number he'd been given, and hoped that Jazz doesn't answer it. As luck would have it, he got hold of Ironhide, who sounded grouchy as usual when he agreed to come pick up Sam.

"Thanks, Ironhide. You're a champ."

"I know," he smugly replied.

Sam chuckled as he hung up, then sat down on the curb to wait.

* * *

He found them in the living area, looking at magazines and drinking large cups of coffee. Sam checked to make sure the coast was clear, then just blurted it out. "Jazz kissed me."

Mikaela and Maggie both looked up at him.

"What did you say?" Mikaela asked.

"Jazz kissed me. Well, not Jazz Jazz... His holo-thing."

"Holoform," Maggie corrected.

"Whatever! It.. He kissed me!" Sam repeated.

Mikaela raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Yeah, really! Is that all you can say?"

"I've seen his holoform, Sam. He's hot."

Maggie nodded in agreement.

"But...he's Jazz!"

Mikaela shook her head at him. "As if we haven't seen you two bonding over The X-Files."

"Hey! That show is an icon of television!" Sam rubbed the back of his head. They were totally getting off the subject. "Jazz is also a guy!"

Maggie pondered his statement. "Personality-wise, all the Autobots are."

"Funny.. I didn't have you pegged as a homophobe, Sam," Mikaela remarked, a slight frown on her face.

"Huh? I'm not!" Sam immediately denied. "A couple friends of mine are gay." Ok, he didn't mean to tell them that.

"I knew a few in high school. They were cool," Maggie said, then asked, "So how was the kiss?"

"How was it?" Sam couldn't believe his ears. "I...I don't know!"

Mikaela frowned. "He must not be very good, then."

"Mmm... Ratchet's really good at it."

"So's Bee. Jazz just probably needs more practice.

Getting pissed now, Sam was about to interrupt their teasing banter when someone beat him to it.

"That so? Who'd like to put me to a test?" Jazz asked from the doorway.

All three jerked around to see Jazz's holoform leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed.

"Jazz... We didn't know you were back," Mikaela said, flushing a little. How much did he hear?

"Uh-huh." Jazz surveyed the room, feeling challenged. Sam looked angry, and frustrated. That was interesting. Maggie was bright and golden, as always, but Ratchet would probably make mincemeat of his aft if he tried anything with her. Bumblebee, on the other hand, was a lot less touchy about things. His car mode followed him as Jazz sauntered over to Mikaela and pulled her close, bending her over one arm with a flourish.

"Jazz..." she began, wide-eyed, when he kissed her. It didn't take long for her knees to go weak. Damn, he was good!

"Wow.." Maggie murmured, watching them sink down onto the floor.

Sam crossed his arms and scowled.

"Still think I need practice?" Jazz asked over a minute later.

"...no..." Mikaela managed, feeling...itchy.

He grinned and helped her back up.

"So you'll kiss just anyone, huh?" Sam asked peevishly.

"Haven't kissed Maggie or Glenn."

"Yeah, well..keep it that way." _Did I just say that? _he wondered, aghast.

"Sure thing, Sam." Jazz actually winked at him then. "Lemme know when you're ready for more."

And with that the holoform flickered out.

"Wha--" Sam gaped as Jazz sped out of the room. _Why does he keep doing that? _He glanced over at Mikaela and Maggie, who were both grinning. "Don't say anything.."

"Sure, Sam...sure. I'll see you later." Mikaela picked up her latte and went to go find Bumblebee.

Maggie sat back down on the sofa, going back to the magazine she'd been reading, while Sam sat down at his computer.

He soon found it impossible to concentrate on anything; his mind kept wandering back to Jazz. 'Ready for more' he'd said. That phrase brought of slew of unwelcome images to mind. Images that were starting to make him...uncomfortable._ I like girls..I like girls...I did like girls.. Dammit!_ He tried to remember the last issue of Playboy he'd looked at, but that didn't work, either.

Sam shut down his computer and stood, accidentally knocking his chair over. "Sorry," he muttered, picking it up.

Maggie shrugged. "That's ok, Sam."

_Yeah...sure.. _he thought, and headed to the shower room. A cold shower was just what he needed right now.

* * *

The next morning Sam woke with a new resolve. Jazz may like to mess with his head, but two can play that game. "I can be just as outrageous as him," Sam told his reflection in the mirror. Behind him, Mojo barked, as if agreeing with him. "Thanks, Mojo."

He threw some clothes on and called Bee, asking him to give him a ride to the mall. Then he grabbed the burned cd he spent a good hour on last night, which contained suggestive songs. After combing his hair, he went outside to wait. Today Jazz was going to get a taste of his own medicine.

* * *

"Who's been looking at gay porn on my computer?" Mikaela demanded.

"Not me!" was Glenn's immediate reply. "Why're you guys blaming me for everything?"

"No one's blaming you, Glenn," Maggie assured him.

"Better not be. Just the other day Sam accused me of surfin' porn on his comp!"

"Oh.. That was Ratchet, actually."

"Ratchet? The doc 'bot? Why the hell would he--" Glenn stopped and stared at Maggie.

She gave him an angelic smile in return.

He burst into laughter. "Hell, yeah. You rock, girl!"

"Gee, thanks, Glenn." She rolled her eyes and walked over to Mikaela. "I saw Jazz at your computer last night."

"Really?" Mikaela looked startled, then smiled. "So he is taking this seriously after all."

"Looks like it. I hope Sam comes to the same conclusion soon." Maggie looked around and located her purse. "I need to go out for a while. Talk to you later, Mikaela."

"Ok. Goodbye."

"Bye. Goodbye, Glenn."

"See ya!" he practically yelled, immersed in a video game.

Maggie shook her head, then went to find Ironhide and ask him for a favor.

* * *

"There is no need to upgrade our weapons yet again, Ratchet," Optimus said patiently. "Megatron and his soldiers were disposed of."

"That may be, but we know there are other Decepticons out there."

_Wandering the galaxy, leaderless,_ Optimus thought, but did not voice aloud. There was little point in arguing with Ratchet when he was in 'obstinate' mode. He sat quietly while the medic adjusted his arsenal. It was difficult, he knew, for his Autobots to adjust to their new life, after fighting a war for so many thousands of years. Thankfully, they were quickly beginning to form attachments. Well-chosen ones.

Once Ratchet was finished, he intended to return to his favorite wooded hillside. There was a sweeping view of the city there, and he enjoyed the quiet solitude it provided.

"There," Ratchet said several minutes later.

"Thank you..." Optimus transformed and rolled out.

Ratchet ignored his leader's dry tone and headed to the humans' living room. "Ironhide and Maggie haven't returned yet?"

"Nope. Where did they go, anyway?" Mikaela asked.

"Maggie has decided to move her belongings here," Ratchet told her, a pleased smile on his face.

She smiled back at him. "Congratulations."

"Thank you, Mikaela," he replied, then left in search of Bumblebee and Jazz. Their weapons needed upgrading, too.

A few minutes later Mikaela's phone rang. "Hello, Sam?"

"Hey, Mikaela."

"How's the mall?"

"Eh. Boring today. Could you do me a favor?"

"You want Bee to give you a ride," she predicted.

"Actually, no. I was wondering if Jazz could. If he's not busy."

"Jazz?" Her eyebrows shot up. "Ok, I'll ask him."

"Great, thanks! I'll meet him outside the theater."

"Ok, I'll tell him. Later, Sam."

"Bye."

Mikaela left her computer and went looking for Jazz. She found both him and Bumblebee, cornered by Ratchet, and relayed the message.

"Sam asked for me?" Jazz looked surprised.

"I'm not done yet, Jazz," Ratchet stated when he tried to pull away.

"It can wait, Ratchet. Unless you think I'll be attacked by a bunch of movie-goers?

"Fine, go on.." he grumbled, then turned to his other patient. "Your turn, Bumblebee."

Bumblebee complied, with a long-suffering look.

Mikaela patted Bee's foot. "Later," she whispered, and grinned when he immediately cheered up.

* * *

Sam was sitting on a bench, waiting, when Jazz rolled up. "Thanks for the lift, Jazz," he said, opening the door himself and hopping in.

"No problem, Sam." Holo-Jazz smiled at him, then drove off from the mall.

"Hey, you mind if we just drive around a while? It won't get dark for another hour..."

"Not a bit. Where'd you like to go?"

Sam shrugged. "I don't know. Just around."

"Ok." Jazz proceeded to wander aimlessly through town.

Sam rummaged through his backpack and pulled out the cd. "Mind if I play this?"

"Nope. I like music."

"Cool." He put the disc in and it started playing. Twenty seconds in he could feel Jazz staring at him.

_You know ya can't stop it, so don't rock it_

_You know ya got it_

_Hey, but are ya gettin' it?_

_Ooh, really gettin' it?_

_Come get it from me_

Sam hid a smile; he thought it would get Jazz's..attention. "So...just how do Autobots have sex?"

There was a long pause before Jazz answered. "We don't. That's a human activity. Well, until now, it's been," he amended. "Our custom is to join sparks."

"You guys have sparks?" That would explain a lot. Sam always wondered why Optimus had wanted him to shove the Allspark into his chest, but he never asked him why. He'd just could tell that it would be fatal to Optimus, without knowing the specifics.

"Yes." Jazz nodded. "I think it's similar to what humans would call a life-force."

"Uh-huh. Life-force, spirit, soul... They're all the same thing, I guess... You've joined sparks with the other Autobots?"

"Yes. After battles, mainly." He paused. "It's a way for us to reassure ourselves that we're still alive."

"That'd do it." Sam nodded. "Who have you--joined with? Bumblebee?"

"Yes. And once with Optimus, shortly after he made me his first lieutenant." Jazz paused again. "I believe Ironhide and Ratchet have joined in the past, at least twice."

"They did?" That surprised Sam. "You guys are really close, aren't you?"

"Yes, we all are." Jazz fell silent, thinking of how few Autobots were left in the galaxy.

"Huh..." Sam looked over at the holoform, then decided to take things one step further. "I'd like to see it."

"Wh--what?" Jazz was startled by the request.

"I said I'd like to see it. Your spark. You said 'when you're ready for more'. Well, I'm ready for more now."

"You mean, right now?"

"Well, no, not in the middle of the street," Sam said, smiling at Jazz's befuddlement. "Maybe near the base? There's plenty of privacy there."

"--all right." Jazz made a u-turn at the next intersection and heading out toward the desert. This was very strange. Ratchet had told him that humans were unpredictable. Sam was proving that to be true.

He skidded to a stop by a large rock formation, and opened the door for Sam.

Sam grabbed his backpack and jumped out, turning around as Jazz transformed. Jazz stood there for a few seconds, looking down at him, then sat down, leaning back against a boulder. Dropping the bag, he climbed up onto Jazz's left leg.

Jazz gazed steadily at Sam as he slowly pulled apart his armored chest plates. This definitely was not what he'd anticipated. He assumed Sam would prefer the holoform, like the others.

"Whoa..." Sam stared at the pulsing blue light inside Jazz's chest. _That's so...cool! _he thought, reaching a hand in.

"Don't touch it, Sam," warned Jazz.

"Ok.. I won't." He changed direction and lightly ran his fingers over a group of delicate-looking wires. Jazz's metal frame seemed to vibrate at that. The wires weren't as fragile as they looked, Sam realized, and brushed them harder. It was almost like strumming guitar strings. Jazz made a strange whining noise and lurched sideways. Sam grabbed onto a metal plate to avoid tumbling off. "Jazz? Are you alright?"

"Yeah..." Jazz caught himself and straightened up. "Do that again."

"Okay." Sam waited a moment before stroking the wires again. Jazz shuddered, and Sam thought he could hear the faint sound of gears grinding. The plan had been to just tease Jazz, but Sam found that he couldn't stop now. He kind of liked the sense of power he held over the large Autobot. It was...intoxicating. He stroked again, and added a few light pinches. That drew what sounded like a whimper from Jazz.

"Sa-Sam," Jazz stuttered. No Autobot could possibly do what Sam's nimble fingers were doing right now. Every stroke and squeeze sent a small shock through his processors. It was like nothing he's ever felt before.

"Ready for more?" Sam couldn't resist asking him.

"_Yes_," Jazz practically growled his answer.

"Ok." Sam continued working those slender wires; Jazz was turning into putty in his hands, figuratively speaking. He decided to go even further. He placed his palms against the sides of Jazz's spark casing and pressed on it, just a little.

Jazz groaned loudly as his spark surged, flashing so brightly that Sam had to look away. His optics flickered, and the lids closed over them.

"Jazz?? Oh, shit! Did I just kill you?? Jazz!" Horrified, Sam pulled his hands out. "Jazz! Say something!"

"Something..." Jazz's optics opened again. "Systems scrambled... Need a moment..."

"Uh... Ok. You're alright?"

"Oh, yeah... That felt--good." Primus, that was the understatement of the millennium.

Sam hesitated before climbing down off Jazz's leg.

It took almost four minutes for Jazz to sort himself out. Even then, he was going to have to see Ratchet for a complete scan. Sam watched nervously as he stood, a little unsteadily, then transformed back to a sports car. "We should return to base."

"Ok.." Sam almost expected Jazz to drive off and just leave him there, but the driver's door popped open. He snatched up his bag and got in, remembering to buckle up.

Jazz didn't attempt to use his holoform this time; he doubted he would be able to concentrate enough to maintain it for very long. They were both silent during the drive, until the base came into view.

"I am gonna get you back for this, Sam," Jazz said, in a mild tone.

"Looking forward to it, Jazz," Sam replied, and almost laughed. He'd had a feeling tonight wasn't going to be the end of things.

Life is great.


End file.
